Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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