I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
