also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
