were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
