I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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