Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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