Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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