he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
