I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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