i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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