ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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