I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
