i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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