im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
