Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
