hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
