no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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