Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
