ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
