and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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