at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
