If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
