i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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