The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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