so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
