Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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