i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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