You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
There's even glitter on my cock...
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