If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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