So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Found your dick twin last night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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