Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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