My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
