Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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