Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
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I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
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never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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