laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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