my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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