Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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