I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
