I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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