talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I want a musical about memes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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