He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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