Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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