i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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