I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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