I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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