Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
