He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
