I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
