he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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