Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
