Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
