They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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