I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
