just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
