11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
