so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
