Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
