Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
