My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
