"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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