P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
