i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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