At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
soo... how was my night?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
