I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
im on a boat
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