she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
