Apparently you make a good broom.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
