I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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