Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
