Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
