yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
