She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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