He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
