My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
