the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
