so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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