its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
