if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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