5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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