Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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