I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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