I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
