At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
