I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
